The H U S S L E 8 Blog "Junior Days"

June 22, 2006

I feel lonely.
I never had a best friend.
I have a lot of friends, but none of them combines into one person to be compatible with me.

When I want to tell something, I keep in onto myself. I can't open up properly to people. I want to take everything as a joke. I mean, I want to laugh. Just laugh so that I will forget about my loneliness. It's a common thing for people like me to do. People might say, "then why don't you do anything about it?" or "then be more friendly" or "you're one lame person". Honestly, it's not that easy. I tell myself, it's okay if I don't have any best friend, so what? But then I thought, it hurts to be lonely.

No one really knows who I am...
They don't know how I live.
No one knows... and if somebody asks, I won't answer. I will distract them. As if they will understand. I don't want to try and test if somebody does.

That's why everyday, I want to be happy. To hear lots of jokes and laugh.
I don't want to talk about my family.... or what our family is.
It will be hard to explain. I think I will cry if I do so.

I am not afraid with college now. I want to face it even if I will be alone.
I want to help my family and bring them to a better place. Not here where we are now.
I think I am also ready to leave this place.....

By next year my dad will retire.... then I think my mom will have an early retirement....
It's bothering me...... I don't want to wake up and just see my parents JUST at home.

I really hope I was born in 1980's so that I have a job right now and I am already helping them...................

Gah..
I don't have a certain topic for this post.
I don't want to continue anymore............

END - 7:00 p.m. -

Jologs Moment!

June 21, 2006

My club is still JEC. I don’t know if it will still be my club next year. I want to try Samba. I’ll sign up for it next year. The trainers of that club performed a while ago, and OMG they rock! I love the beats that they made! It sounded so lively. I really want to try it! Although it sounds like “Ati-Atihan” well not really… but it’s still okay.

Ah should have made up my mind faster!
Well, my fault.
Too bad…

Pagod ako ngayon… dami ginawa. Tapos kanina pa dun sa office ni papa nakita ko si Kathleen. Syempre naglakad-lakad kami sa Ateneo. Sobra napagod ako. Siya hindi. Haha! Tataguan ko bukas, ayaw ko kasi lakad ng lakad… kaka-tamad tapos sa Ateneo pa. Laki laki. Haha! Labo talaga niya. Hehe. Ang dami niyang kwento! Grabe dada ng dada. Haha! Pero buti naman para masaya. Hehe. Di kasi ako yung taong mabilis makaisip ng kwento. Well depende pero… madalas wala. Hehe

Tapos kanina sa Social. Saya. Haha! Sir Jeff kakatuwa. “asksirjeff@gmail.com” hehe. Tinanong samin anong Jologs moment. Di ko nasabi yung akin kasi after ako tawagin tsaka ko lang naisip.

Kasi ganito yun, eh nung grade 7 ako tapos meron kaming Confession. So sa Chapel kami nun. Eh na-bored ako. Kanta ako ng F4 song oh... Pabulong, pilit kong tinatago kasi nga alam ko korny tapos alam ko tatawanan ako. Pero sige kanta ako sa loob ng Chapel. Eh yung katabi ko, siguro na bored din eh nakinig sa paligid, tama ba naman ako yung napakinggan. O_O hehe

Sabi niya "Kumakanta ka ng F4 noh?"
Ako naman "Hindi noh!"
Sabi niya "Weeeh"
Ako " DI NGA!"

Oh diba. Todo deny!
Dagdag sa listahan ng i-coconfess ko "Lying." haha!

END - 9:07 p.m. -

School : Day 4

June 20, 2006

*ohh... this is a typical day*

School was okay. We did aournd four diagnostic tests which made my day so boring.

I still hate English. It's because of the speech. I don't like that part. I am concentrated on, Chemistry and Math at the moment.

A while ago I was speaking to myself and explaining things. I was talking to myself in short. I was using the enlish language. haha. Yeah and it's amazing how I manage not to get tongue tied (no one will believe since I do it by myself... so yeah whatever). When there are a lot of people, I'm having a hard time. That's a disorder of mine.

I signed up for a new blog in Blogger.
It's for my short stories, etcetera. I will store it there. But it's empty now. lol duh.

I'll be picking a club tomorrow. I'll stick with JEC. Yeah. Even though I want taekwondo or badminton. I guess my HS Club days will be BORING forever...

END - 10:16 p.m. -

Nervousness loves me! I don't return the favor

June 19, 2006

A Pledge of the Math Student in Trouble
By Donald Edge

Although I think I’m not good at math,
The only thing I can’t do is nothing. However,
I am allowed to

Cry
Whine
Complain
Be Impatient
Be Frustrated
Be Bad Tempered
Think of Quitting

BUT ONLY IF I try my hardest.

>>
This is such a nice reminder about what's happening around. Not just math but generally about school.

>>
I worry a lot. Especially when I’m at home at this time. The moment I sleep, I begin to think what will happen tomorrow. I have a strong feeling that I will be called randomly and I imagine myself standing speechless not even trying to think of an answer because of my nervousness over the words in my tongue. That often happen to me, but if not (luckily) I say silly answers. I know no one minds if I say those things yet I feel that I am so dumb. My nervousness never ran out. It’s always there as the lesson goes on. I admit I am not that confident to face the freaky questions. I’m trying my best to just listen and have my presence of mind. Well that helps… somehow.

I also study before I do anything else starting today. I think it is more convenient because it’s just like transferring from my classroom to the Chemistry room. Well not that near, I know you get my point. So yeah, I have studied well and I guess I’m kind of prepared.

I’m still afraid of English though.

You know what, sitting in the front row really add that pressure to me. It’s like they are always looking at me or something that is why I don’t look at them when they are asking questions. Hehe. BUT when they pick random numbers, they don’t forget about 13. I have been called twice today because of that random picking. hmmmpppfff…

Well I guess that does it. I don’t have any excuse not to be ready. AACCKK!
The pressure. LoL!

Good luck to me tomorrow.

END - 9:24 p.m. -

Ang pabalat na jologs

June 18, 2006

Kakatapos ko lang ayusin mga gamit ko para bukas. Ginawa ko na rin yung pabalat ng aking mumunting Jologs Notebook. Naiinis ako dahil nawala ang litrato ni Kris Aquino na tamang tama para sa aking notebook. Kaya iyon, naging korny tuloy ang dinikit ko na litrato!

Kasi si Iya, yung host sa Wowowee yung nilagay ko. Ang panget panget! Nakakabwiset. Ang korny korny! Sarap hatiin sa dalawa yung notebook ko. Kung si Kris nandun, pagbibigyan ko pa ang pagmumukha ng lola. Pero take note: Wala akong gusto sa kanila. Napilitan lang.

Speaking of this,
Nakita ko si Sir Jeff sa Ali Mall kanina. Haha! Wala lang.

END - 8:23 p.m. -

You little bastard

June 17, 2006

*rant please*

I remembered my account in Kevan.org wherein people comment about your bad traits. This is the only time that I get to see it again. There was someone who told me that I am ignorant. Ignorant meaning you don’t have that knowledge or you are not aware of what is happening around you.

I definitely disagree and I am so pissed someone actually said that without knowing who I am. For your information I know what’s going around me. I am not that stupid to be unable to notice. I notice things on people and for years that I have been living I know the expressions of people who hide something that is wrong. I ask people if there is something going on and when they said “Nothing” absolutely I will forget all about it. Why? Because if you are my friend and you are acting like that, you will say what happened or simply say that you are angry or irritated whatsoever. With that I will understand what you feel! I’m not insensitive. I know how it feels to be angry, irritated, pissed, hate because I have experienced it myself.

If you say I am ignorant because I did not notice you or something, then you got to be wrong. You maybe the one pushing me away. Telling me that it’s okay or probably not considering me as a friend. For me a friend tells me if I am going way too far, if something is wrong because I believe that will make me a better person. If not I can explain and my friend will understand. How can you judge without learning the other side’s opinion? That’s pathetic.

If you are cold and you keep your feelings within yourself, then better yet keep it to yourself rather than telling others the story. Nevertheless, not calling what you are doing backstabbing. Apparently it is. Because if you tell others the story, specially a problem, that is considered backstabbing. If you need help that would be MY help. There’s nothing they can do because your problem is I. You may get witty advices but there is no better advice or explanation than the person you hate. There is no “They” in here. There is only “You and Me” no more no less.

If you are afraid to hurt my feelings then you will never be my friend. Because you shall always remember that life is not all sweet. You need something bitter to be able to improve the sweetness. Furthermore, I believe that friends will solve any problem. It might take years but it will be understood.

>>
You little bastard, stop calling me ignorant.

END - 10:47 p.m. -

Fret

June 16, 2006

I worry a lot at this point. I always think about failing something.
But there is a contradicting side from that. I say to myself that it will be okay and all I got to do is my best.

I think about my subjects.
I sit in the front row and the teacher can see me right away and can call me anytime. It brings in more pressure to me since I don’t like the teacher calling me and I will give no answer. For me, I carry that as a responsibility so that nothing will be wrong. But I cannot stop making wrong things that is why I cleared my mind and told myself that it is okay. All I got to do is to think of an answer (slowly and I don’t care if it takes 5 mins.), any answer that is somehow close to the point to satisfy the teacher. If it can’t be helped and my answer is way to far, I’ll go on and say it. Nevertheless, everybody commits mistakes and there is nothing wrong with that.

“You grow up the moment you have a great laugh… at yourself”

It’s okay if I look stupid. Who cares? I’m going to do it for my grade. Everybody is stupid in a way. I think if you say that you are not stupid, you’re afraid of making mistakes. (This stupidity is based on school, not love or any other because that is another thing)

Now I see that you really can’t know yourself in one shot of experience. It takes a lot of years to fully understand yourself. I began thinking of who I am since late March. I have been apathetic once, but I guess I organized some of my thoughts. I guess it’s never too late that you decide to know who you are.

“Sometimes finding the meaning of life involves three days without bathing and getting your butt fused in a couch.”

>>
Haha! I have read this newspaper and got that second quote (sometimes finding…)
It’s a nice one that is why I tried to relate it in my post.

I’m still nervous at the moment and I am still worrying. But I’m serious that I will get my job done. Like I said, I want to get straight B’s and I got to work for it.

>>
blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah the end.

END - 7:23 p.m. -

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