Here I go again... something is in my mind!!! And I want to write it in english... to be 'better' in the language! hahahahahahahahaha...

Some people does look so bastardly. But the truth is they are a bunch angel bastards.

I watch Gokusen Jdorama.
It's about a third year highschool class composed of people who are 'lost' and people who act cold and mysterious. But because of a VERY patient teacher, she was able to bring this teens back to reality and let them realize that life doesn't revolve how they think it revolves. All students in this class are sloths, playful, pranksters, boastful and feeling teenagers. It's quite obvious of what they really like in life, fun and 'mind-my-own-business'

In this show, it's like everybody believes that all the students that belongs in this class does not have any opportunity toi accelerate, just because they have been bastards all their lives, everybody thinks they cannot renew themselves and therefore, shall not be given a chance. But this VERy patient teacher of theirs, did not give up teaching them and forcing them to study. She wakes them if they are sleepy, stops them when they fight, help them when they are lost in the lesson and all those things. Additional to that, she helps them realize their wrongs and tell them the good side of their problems.

Why am I telling this?
It is because this students of the VERY patient teacher is just like my brother.

*okay i'll start the history of my brother...*

My brother is adopted. He has been with us since he was a baby. He was given to us by God. My parents told him that he was adopted when he was in the second grade. I don't know what his reaction was that time. I have not asked him yet.

When he was in the second grade, as my mom tells me, he went home by himself because he fears of his teacher, because the thought that they won't be needing their books. As he reached school, he realized they need them that if he doesn't have them, he'll be punished (He studies in Claret). With this he was threatened and went home by himself, WALKING.

Imagine a kid, walking in the streets with lots of cars and people that by a chance someone will kidnap him or he will be run over by a car... A second grade kid, walking home because he knows he has a responsibility. At a young age he knows the consequences and whatever it takes he will do anything to please his mentor.

The moment my brother arrived home, my mom was very shocked. And you know what my brother said?

"Mom where are my books? I need to get them and go back to school."

It was 3:00 that time... that means, his classes are over. He walked from 8:00 - 3:00!!! IMAGINE! Without eating! He was so focused on getting home.

My mom asked him how did he get there, he said that he followed the way of his school bus.

I always let my mom tell me the story, I am so fasinated that everytime she tells it I feel so sorry for my brother for what he is now.

He is so lost at this moment of his life....

I remember also the time, we went to see his real parents. I barely looked at them because I don't want to cry. they lived in the province and they were poor. My brother supposed to have a lot of siblings but now he has only one.

I wonder what if my brother does not live here. What if I did not knew him.

My life might be very lonely since, I am supposed to be an only child. And by now whenever he is not here, I don't have any playmate. I don't have somebody to whack, punch or kick.

I feel so lonely without my brother...

I just wished I had more...

Going back to the topic...
I told those things because I can know how those people who looks so bastardly feel when they are judged wrongly.

My brother has a 'barkada' or 'friends' that all look so notorious. But when I see them thogether, they laugh and have fun. The thing is, they don't study and all they care is about fun. But when crisis come, they fight for each other and they appear to be innocent and true.

They have reasons.
Most of them love to keep those reasons away from the public. They stay quiet when they are not with their group of friends.

I have observed my brother and whenever he gets a compliment, for example from my mom, he will shout and say "Heh! Tumahimik ka!" But he laughs. My mom will just go like "Ito naman oh." then she'll smile.

In that way, my brother keeps his 'i'm-a-bastart-pride' at the same time, making people smile. He does keep that pride everytime I thank him. Sometimes he will not reply. But I know the answer. haha!

But now...
I don't know...
He's in his stage of being lost again.

haha!
I hope he get's well soon and I hope that he will pass his 'pep test' whatever that test is. I hope he will finish highschool. (he has been in highschool for 7 years... and we are on the same level now, I was able to catch up...)

Dadalawa na nga lang kami...
Sana naman pagbutihin niya para pag laki namin, pati ako makakautang. hehe... joke lang ^_^

Such a long post...
Parang walang pinuntahan... haha!

Image Ready: Waha!

May 15, 2006

Haha! I just learned how to use image ready animation... xD

END - 12:12 p.m. -

mayo labindalawa

May 12, 2006

Ang sarap ng panahon...
Maulan ^_^

Malamig at mas masaya gamitin ang computer. Haha! Na-inspire nanaman tuloy akong gumawa ng layout, yung layout na gagamitin ko sa pasukan! Haha!

Hay...
Trip ko lang mag blog ngayon kahit wala akong ma kwento. GUsto ko lang i-excersise ang aking mga daliri. hehe.

EDITED: Kakanood ko lang ng PBB Teen Edition. Grabe! Hindi pala totoong Psychic si Brenda! Nakakainis at nakaka dissappoint! Parang nawalan ako ng tiwala sa paranormal bigla. Haha! Inutos lang pala sa kanya iyon, task lang pala sa kanya iyon.

Pero infairness magaling siya umarte. Pero nahirapan din siya at umiyak kasi daw di niya ugaling manloko. Kasi ba naman, malalaman ng ibang housemates na peke siya, edi parang mawawala yung attention nila sa kanya dahil pinansin nila siya dahilan na siya ay isang psychic... Kawawa naman siya, siguro marami nang tao ngayon na may ayaw sa kanya at next week, siguro wala na siya. SAYANG, Kung totoo lang sana...

Hay nako, todo inggit pa naman ako sa kanya... haha! Isa lang ang ibig sabihin, madali akong maloko kapag convincing. hahaha! Hindi ako nag duda whatsoever, naniwala ako kasi ang alam ko "astig" ang maging psychic!

END - 3:47 p.m. -

Would I rather die for...

May 11, 2006

As I opened my email, I clicked the first mail. It came from my former classmate.

It went like this:

Would you,

a) Die for me
b) Watch me die

It came in my mind that I will choose the second option. I thought, "Why would I die for you?" But I did not click it in the first place because my thoughts were torned when I realize that, that certain option is not nice. I know it's just a silly question not to take seriously, but it caught me and made me think. What if one day, someone asks you if you are ready to die for him/her, would you die without any hesitations?

This person that send me the email is not my close friend. She does not even care for me for real. It's just like, she talks to me because she does not want to be lonely. After a year of being classmates, I can tell that she is the kind of person that is afraid to be alone and she only think about herself.

I would rather die for someone else than her. I just don't want to risk my life for her and I don't want something to happen just like an unexpected thing that will urge me to save her. Never do I wish!

I know this is an email/question that is to be left, but it really made me think and answer.

But at the end, I did not answer it, I just neglected it and kept my real answer hidden. Because I know the reality that she will be disappointed. She's a person who fights for HER thoughts even though it's so obvious that she is wrong. When we meet again, I bet this topic will come our way...

END - 6:54 p.m. -

I am indifferent

May 10, 2006

I just thought of talking to myself again. I mean, knowing who I am. lol.

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Everyday, I encounter questions like "Which do you prefer..." Sometimes, it just happen that I'm being indifferent. Indifferent meaning, I am not showing any interest nor dislike towards the thing. Then I will begin to choose any for the sake of choosing.

Furthermore, when the same question is asked I will answer the other option, not maintaining my so-called answer. In that case it seems as if I like both and I have a reason. But the truth is that I just answer because I think I am required and I don't like to be ashame not knowing any of those. This being 'indifferent' of mine is becoming a habbit.

But there was a change since I realize that faking your descisions is not nice and choosing for the sake of choosing is not good but being indifferent is okay. Why? Because you will not get any appreciation if you choose without any reason. But if you say and tell the truth that you don't care or you don't know, much better. The point is you are being yourself.

I realize that, why would you try hard to fit in if you really don't like what you are doing? Just because you think that this is for the better? I realized that it's better to be you. You will be more opinionated and you will learn to site your own reasons.

Upon observing kids, I realized that many kids love to choose for the sake of choosing and pretend that they know it all. I just thought, that this kids will realize while they grow that having no opinion is better than faking what you really like.

What's the problem if you don't care about pink or purple and prefer both blue and red? You really don't need to choose only one in life. It's not a requirement. Never. As long as you REALLY like something and REALLY hate something, it does not matter how many or how little.

Just keep your true self living.
Just like... farting in public. xD

END - 3:29 p.m. -

Here comes another thinking

May 08, 2006

Summer, I know it will end soon. I did not engage myself in any summer lessons. Maybe it's because, I am alone and I don't have any company and I'm afraid to socialize because I'm shy. Also I doubt myself. I hope I get over with that, trait of mine. It somehow ruin things.

Meanwhile, enjoying the heat of summer inside the house gives me the same things to do daily. For example, watch television. Use the computer and then watch television again. Sleep then take a bath and then watch Yakitate Japan and GOKUSEN(!) and wait for PBB TE while using the computer. I also eat now and then and I can feel that I'm getting some pounds. O_O

Aside from those things, I also do some household chores since we do not have a maid. We sometimes have a maid whenever my mother ask this person who does the laundry and the ironing because my mom can't do heavy chores like that because her arms hurt (due to the operation) , but I don't like her. Anyway, I do chores like washing the dishes, sweeping the floor, watering the plants and cooking rice.

I can't stop thinking about what will happen to me when I grow up as I cook the rice (Of all things, why when cooking rice? lmao). Several questions rush into my mind. Will I learn to cook food aside from rice? Will I be able to handle chores in my own home? Will I own a home in the first place? Will I get a job? Or will I depend on someone? What course will I get? I am confused at this moment. About my future. But sometimes, I just stop thinking and tell myself, "Whatever". But as I say that, I feel nervous.

When I tell my mom, I still don't know what to get on college, she says "It will come". OMFG! I'm in Third Year! College is just two years far! And how time flies in a snap! T_T With her response always like that, I begin to realize I'm on my own. My mom does not have anything to do with my future. It's up to me. My life paths are ready, I have to choose. Whether I will enter the good or the bad, as long as I won't regret.

Regret is hard and painful. I don't want to die crying. I want to die taking a deep inhale, then exhaling my soul out as I smile.

END - 8:09 p.m. -

Cats are Cute

May 07, 2006

... and I'm starting to like their kind.

END - 9:09 a.m. -

PBB: nakikialam ulit

May 06, 2006

Twas the second eviction night of the PPB Teen Edition. But there was more than that, there was a forced eviction. The one evicted was, Nina (yes!) and the one who was forced to go out was Bam (yes!)

I really think the two deserve to go out. In my opinion, the two of them are the only ones who the show telecast often because of their feelings towards each other. They are confused of the real feeling. Why? Because they just meet for two weeks. It can't be love. Maybe they are just comfortable with each other. Hehe. But still, my favorites are still the same, Aldred and Mikki!

Furthermore, they are going to enter a new housemate! OMFG! Now the main GOAL of the show is ruined. They said that ONLY 12 housemates will be going inside the house for a certain amount of time, and the last one standing will win. If they continue to enter and exit someone, the perspectives will no longer be followed. Its going to be a mess! I hate watching the show. But I still do O_O While watching I keep on telling "Ano ba yan... bat ganyan" lol. You can't blame me. I watch that for my 'entertainment'. hahaha! If you don't understand what I mean, well... NEVERMIND! ^o^

About Gerald (nominee for forced eviction) I know he has commited the most number of violations. But that was because of his carelessness and his laziness. Bam's violations were done by his own will and he disrespected the rules which is more than carelessness. Plus, Bam was given a Punishment and he somewhat, did not follow it. Gerald followed his punishments and he was asking for more. If I got that right. JUAKI! The new guy, OMG I want him out as well. He is so boastful and feeling. Fred, maybe he played the game too much.

Hm Hm Hm.
So much for a show that I don't like to watch but I watch. O__O

END - 11:05 p.m. -

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